


The Pickles Are No Longer Fuzzy

by Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth



Category: Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound
Genre: Gen, I have no idea, Laser Guns, Museums, Photography, fic made out of catharsis because I am so goddamn sick of that guy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 08:24:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17577329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth/pseuds/Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth
Summary: (A (very) short random fic taking place in whatever universe Earthbound takes place in)That guy with the camera shows up at the worst times.Having gotten fed up with him, Jeff decides to do something about it.





	The Pickles Are No Longer Fuzzy

**Author's Note:**

> I can't be the only one who gets sick of that guy showing up all the time and interrupting everything
> 
> At least I hope I'm not

For yet another time during their adventure, that annoying trumpet fanfare played. How, exactly, the Camera Man managed to spin down into some places (or even knew where they were in general), none of them would ever know. 

They all knew how it went by now: the Camera Man would say his usual piece, take out his camera, and have them say 'fuzzy pickles' (whatever _that_ was supposed to mean). Then, Ness would smile and pose, leaving Paula and Jeff standing nearby like a couple of emotionless statues. Needless to say, they were getting really tired of this. 

This time, they were at the dinosaur museum in Fourside. Earlier, it was the desert. At this rate, having their pictures taken was going to get them killed. Hopefully, this time would be different. It just had to happen at the right time. 

"Pictures taken instantaneously!" The Camera Man's usual spiel began. "I'm a photographic genius, if I do say so myself!"

As he was talking, Jeff reached behind himself to look for something. After rummaging through the rathole that was his inventory (passing over some long expired Skip Sandwiches), he found it and kept hiding it behind his back. Paula briefly looked over at him (as if she knew what he was doing), but went back to staring at the Camera Man alongside Ness. 

"Okay, get ready for an instant memory!" Jeff readied himself. "Look at the camera... Ready... Say, 'fuzzy pi-'"

Quickly, Jeff whipped out his laser gun, took aim and fired. In an actual instant, the Camera Man dropped his trusty camera and toppled to the floor facedown. His top hat fluttered upwards in the air like a stray grocery bag, and landed right next to his corpse. Then came a growing pool of blood from under him.

Jeff put his gun away, then addressed his friends and their wide eyed looks of shock. 

"Hopefully you'll thank me for that later," he told them before turning to leave the museum. As he did, Paula and Ness looked at each other and shrugged casually. As long as they didn't get in trouble for it later, it should be fine.

Indeed, after the kids left to venture on, no one seemed to care much about the dead body. A curious patron poked at it, and another one took his hat, but other than that nothing. They all thought that cleaning the blood up was going to be a severe pain in the ass later, though. 

**Author's Note:**

> ...Yeah I don't know either


End file.
